Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Why I Hate Queensland.

Look, I really don’t have much to say about last night’s game. It’s been more than half a day. I’ve slept, showered (twice) and wanked (three times) since then and I’m still furious about it to the point where I may be tempted to king hit any dickhead I see in a QLD jersey on principle. If you’re a QLDer – even the few decent ones amongst you admit you got a BIG helping hand from the refs.

I’ll accept that Cronk probably got spear tackled. If I really wanted to be unbiased (believe me I don’t) I could even concede that Jennings probably deserved 10 in the bin for his punch, even though it’s Origin and that shit comes with the territory. If we had lost 12-10, there would have been other things to look at like the decision to go for 2 on the 40m line (one which, by the way, I agreed with at the time and still do) and some of the defensive breakdowns on the edges.

But there is absolutely no way anybody can defend the Inglis no try that wasn’t.

Anyone who watched it in full speed and thinks Farah actually played at the ball is either completely blinkered, never played any footy in their life or mentally retarded. Farah’s eyes were completely on Inglis. He wasn’t watching his foot or the ball. His goal was to get the man and try stop the try.

Then look at his leg in slow motion. It’s obvious he doesn’t make any extra movement to play at the ball. The motion of his leg is consistent throughout.

That’s all I have to say on the worst call in sports since the Tuck Rule. Enjoy your hollow victory, cane toad scum.

I have something else I want to write about today as well.

A few weeks ago, I was in Brisbane for a concert (the story of which will be a future blog for the three of you who haven’t heard it yet) and before the show I had a bite with my mate Brad. (Brad, by the way, writes the excellent satirical blog The Bogue and Boguette Show – check it out if you enjoy satire on modern Australian suburban life or if you have a sense of humour at all).

Even though he’s a masters degree-styduing commie-pinko-vego-libtard, Brad’s also a Wests Tigers fan and a transplanted New South Welshman, so along the way we ended up talking footy for a while and specifically Origin. Along the way he made an interesting point – that Queenslanders, no matter how many series they win, will always hate New South Welshmen more than us NSWers will ever hate them. Sure we all love mocking them for being inbred, braindead, redneck bogans…but that sheer pathological hate isn’t there.

I wasn’t completely sure how to react to this, because around Origin time my hate for the shitstains goes through the roof. I once even passed up the chance to go to an Origin game in Brisbane because I know I would have either been arrested or killed before kickoff for getting amongst it with some of the filth. And, to be honest, I can’t say I have too much love for them even outside of Origin. Queensland is, after all, the state that kept Joh Bjelke-Petersen (rot in the ground you old cunt) in power for so long. Admittedly, I thought about moving there earlier this year but realized soon enough that being around Queenslanders all the time would probably be what finally pushed me over the edge to become a serial killer.

While my hatred may be pretty deep, I know I’m not the only one. You talk to NSW fans around my age and you’ll hear similar sentiments for sure.

The reasons aren’t rocket science. We are a generation who have come of age with our state as the nail to their hammer. Six straight losses in Origin, constant talk of the QLD dynasty, the fact that one of the best players on that team was born and raised in NSW, our dickhead friends who claim to support QLD even though they were born and raised in Sydney because they’re dickriding cocksuckers…look, it’s a perfect storm to build the hate.

Maybe at first NSW didn’t have the same hate for QLD. We are, after all, a state with many things going for it. We have the best city in the country and one of the  (if not the) best in the world (and I’ve traveled a bit and still make this statement). A far greater proportion of Australia’s thinkers and intellectuals, artists and entertainers come from our state than theirs – Smart State my arse. When you travel outside Australia, people ask “are you from Sydney?” when you mention you’re Australian or they hear you speak. Our city and state has enough going for it that we didn’t need to define ourselves by squashing a few cane toads every year, as much fun as it was when we did.

All these years later, we still have all those advantages over our inbred cousins to the north. But they have that shield and fuck do they love reminding us of it. It’s the one thing they can hold over us. At first it was cute, but like a little brother getting overly excited over beating his brother in ping pong (and yes, you’re damn right I just compared Origin to ping pong) and acting like a dickhead about it, it just got annoying. Then when they kept winning, we got mad. Very mad. And now you have a generation of NSWers who hate QLD every bit as much as they hate us. And that’s the way it should be.

Mate against Mate? Fuck off.

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